Humor Collection

Teacher: Which is the oldest animal in world?
John: ZEBRA
Teacher: How?
John: Because it is Black & White

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Judge: Don’t you have shame? It is the 3rd time you are coming to court..

John to judge: you are coming daily, don’t you have shame?

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Boy friend got a sms from his girl friend: “I MISS YOU”

Boy friend replied: “I Mr YOU” !!.

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Full form of MATHS????

Ans : Mentally Affected Teacher Harassing Students…

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John: Miss, Do you called to my mobile?

Teacher: Me? No, why?

John: Yesterday I saw in my mobile- 1 Miss Call”.

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Patient : I always see spots before my eyes.

Doctor : Didn’t the new glasses help?

Patient : Sure, Now i see the spots much clearer.

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Man:what is million years to you?

God:only a second.

Man:what is billion of Dollar.to you?

God:only a Coin.

Man:ok give me a Coin.

God:wait a second….

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A man is driving down a country road, when he spots a farmer standing in the middle of a huge field of grass.He pulls the car over to the side of the road and notices that farmer is just standing there, doing nothing, looking at nothing.The man gets out of the car, walks all the way out to the farmer and asks him, “Ah excuse me sir, but what are you doing?”farmer replies, “I’m trying to win a Nobel Prize.”"How?” asks the man, puzzled.”Well I heard they give the Nobel Prize to people who are out standing in their field.”

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John enters kitchen and opens the sugarbox. Sees inside and closes it.Wife observes the whole episode.Again he comes and does the same stuff. Wife asks Why are you doing this?

John replies: Doctor told to check sugar level regularly.

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Fifteen minutes into the flight from Delhi to Kolkata, the captain announced, “Ladies and gentlemen, one of our engines has failed. There is nothing to worry about. Our flight will take an hour longer than scheduled, but we still have three engines left.”Thirty minutes later the captain announced, “One more engine has failed and the flight will take an additional two hours. But don’t worry. We can fly just fine on two engines.”An hour later the captain announced, “One more engine has failed and our arrival will be delayed another three hours. But don’t worry. We still have one engine left.”A young Man passenger turned to the man in the next seat and remarked, “If we lose one more engine, we’ll be up here all day!”

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There were eleven people hanging onto a rope that came down from a plane.Ten were boy, and one was a girl. They all decided that one person should get off because if they didn?t, then the rope would break and everyone would die. No one could decide who should go, so finally the girl said, “I’ll get off.”After a really touching speech from the girl saying she would get off, all of the sardar started Clapping.

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The doctor told patient that if he ran 8 kilometers a day for 300 days, he wouldlose 34 kilos.

At the end of 300 days, Sardarji called the doctor to report he had lost the weight,but he had a problem.”What’s the problem?” asked the doctor.I’m 2400 kms from home.